Nero Wolfe Mystery. By Marv???

 I have more fiction to offer in addition to the beginning of my Chicago detective novel. A while back, I wrote a short story that uses Rex Stout’s cast of characters and style from a  Nero Wolfe mystery, although I could not help letting my personality slip in. And I admit, to impertinence in stealing from Grand Master Stout.  If I did my job well, the readers will enjoy the story, although I would be gobsmacked if anyone mistook it for the real thing. Read it here.

Readers with a sharp ear will hear more than a little Rex Stout Nero Wolfe mystery in my Fenton Herzman and Reggie Haskell.

The Nero Wolfe Mystery

A little background for those who are interested. Rex Stout started writing the Nero Wolfe mysteries in the 1930s and he continued until he died in 1975. He created a repertoire of characters that appear in most of the novels: Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin, of course, but also NPYD Homicide Division Inspector Fergus Cramer, chef Fritz Brenner, freelance operative Saul Panzer, tomboy femme fatale and ballroom dancer Lily Rowan, and more. Part of Stout’s charm is the comfortable familiarity of the setting and characters.

An old brownstone in midtown Manhattan is a much a part of the stories as any of the characters. The building has a penthouse greenhouse where Wolfe retreats morning and afternoon on a schedule that is not to be changed or interrupted. The globe in Wolfe’s office is the largest anyone has ever seen. Wolfe knows the precise location of every volume on his floor to ceiling book shelves and a peephole is hidden behind a trick painting.

I like to think of Stout’s characters as deep caricatures—more realistic than burlesques, but magnified beyond life; often comic, but facing profoundly serious issues. The putative main character, Nero Wolfe, is a genius detective who prefers eating and raising orchids to detecting. Archie Goodwin’s real job is to goad Wolfe into action. Archie is the true center of the stories, a wise-cracking innocent whom some critics compare to Huckleberry Finn. He does Wolfe’s leg work, and more.

A&E produced a Nero Wolfe television series in 2001 and 2002 starring Timothy Hutton and Maury Chaykin. There have been several radio, movie, and television productions based on Nero Wolfe, but I like the A&E series best. It’s as faithful as television ever is to an original and the sets are lavish chiaroscura that remind me of a Merchant Ivory film. I recommend seeing it if you have a chance. I have a DVD set of the entire series.

There was a Canadian CBC radio series that is good listening, but it is hard to find. The voice characterizations are superb, and, if you have the right kind of imagination, the sets are more vivid than A & E. Try here.

Like almost every Nero Wolfe mystery, my story begins with a potential client at the door. It’s close to lunch time. Archie tries to send him away, but the client is insistent and, in some way, disturbing. Archie relents and parks him into the front room to wait, locking the door so he can’t wander. Wolfe, of course, won’t see him. While Wolfe is on the phone, Archie checks on the client and finds him dead. Wolfe is annoyed but, uncharacteristically, he allows Archie to call 911 after a ten minute head-start on lunch instead of insisting on delaying until the meal is over. Archie gets a hunch that Wolfe has something up his sleeve. He’s right.

I wrote my Nero Wolfe mystery over five years ago for a few self-indulgent laughs. I reread it the other day. I had forgotten the story entirely. I was surprised that I enjoyed reading it, so maybe a few folks will enjoy it too. Wolfe’s lunch is heavy but the story is light.

I called it  Lunchus Interuptus.

Could You Love A New Chicago Detective Story?

In these late pandemic days— I hope these are late days— I have been preparing for another run at a Chicago detective story. My Chicago was a city of riots: the Martin Luther King riots and 1968 Democratic Convention. A corrupt, racist, and vibrant city run by a political machine.

I’ve been writing and rewriting the same book about Chicago for a decade, learning, and trying the patience of the kind people who have read my earlier attempts.

I’m on about the tenth draft, I quit counting years ago, and this version feels better than any of the previous. I’ve lost control. The book has begun to speak in its own voice. I understand that is a good sign, but it is unnerving to sit down at a keyboard and have the text dictate my thoughts.

My Chicago

“My Chicago was a city of riots: the Martin Luther King riots and 1968 Democratic Convention. A corrupt, racist, and vibrant city run by a political machine.”

I took the train to Chicago to go to college on scholarship in the fall of 1967. It was a little cheaper than flying.

When I lived in Chicago, I was unconsciously ambivalent. One part of me was delighted. Every day, something was new. I was shocked by fellow students who were better grounded in or quicker to grasp the mathematics and theory of chemistry and physics and astounded by the insight offered by deeper and more rigorous analysis. And I startled myself with outbursts in history and humanities classes that got me praise and admiration.

But I was also deeply troubled. On the South Side, I talked on the street with black kids who had, only a few years before, lived in the rural south where their lives were like my grandfather’s Waschke Road, lacking electricity and plumbing, and more primitive than the modestly mechanized dairy farm I grew up on. We shared calluses and scars from shovels, hoes, and manure forks. I was shocked, and, I regret to say, ashamed, to realize, that in some ways my life on Waschke Road was closer to the South Side streets than the affluent middle and upper class lives of my classmates at the university. I hid this. From my classmates and myself.

But the world of my black neighbors was also far different from mine. I had come to the city as a privileged participant in the meritocracy that would give me what I thought was a bright future. The neighborhood blacks looked at the university as a source of janitorial and housekeeping jobs, not learning and advancement. They had no voice in why they were on the South Side. They arrived because their parents had heard about work in the steel mills. They had no choice but to quickly learn to navigate the dangerous streets of Woodlawn and Englewood.

“…unlike my black neighbors, I looked ahead to the luxuries of a privileged life.”

I learned to ride the Illinois Central commuter train to the Loop, shop at Marshall Fields and Carson Pirie Scott, venture into Alfred Dunhill’s on upper Michigan for pipe tobacco and a look at pipes I could not possibly afford, but, unlike my black neighbors, I looked ahead to the luxuries of a privileged life.

Why I have written a Chicago detective story

“I set out to grill a fillet seasoned with salt and pepper. I ended up with a complex and high-spirited shrimp and andouille jambalaya infused with mouldering corruption.”

When I started, I sat down to write a story that I would like to read. That goal still holds, but retirement, three books on computing, a national scene filled with tumultuous bombast and unrest, and the inward wrench of pandemic lockdowns have all had their impact. I set out to grill a fillet seasoned with salt and pepper. I ended up with a complex and high-spirited shrimp and andouille jambalaya infused with mouldering corruption.

After 71 years of eating and breathing regularly, I ought to have myself down as tight as ring shank nails, but I have learned that good writing is about who you might become and only partial revelation of who you are and what you see in the people around you. Both revelation and aspiration are helpful. In each draft, the story became both closer to and more distant from life. Both directions, in some perverse way, are improvements. Eventually, the book became itself rather than me.

I always wanted to write stories, although I didn’t think about a Chicago detective story until I was older. The baby boom stretched our rural school that had neither space nor funds for pre-school or kindergarten. Before first grade, I followed along with my mother as she read stories to me and my little sister. A little picture dictionary was all I needed to teach myself reading before I ever saw a school room. When I entered first grade, no one told the teacher that I already read books at home and when I tried to tell her, I was shushed. She had other concerns.

“I got the idea that becoming a writer was a dream, but not a possibility because writers started as ordinary kids with friends, not outsiders wandering the side lines.”

I had far better books to read at home than the bizarre Dick and Jane readers at school. Suburban Dick, Jane, Mother, Father, Spot, Puff, and Baby Sally could have been watercolors beamed from outer space, except Martians or Venusians would have been more interesting.

Consequently, I don’t remember engaging much during my first few years at school. I didn’t need attention and lived in a distant realm; I don’t know what my teachers thought of me. Other kids avoided me, and I didn’t try to join them. I was not unhappy, and I got used to being a lone outsider. I got the idea that becoming a writer was a dream, but not a possibility because writers started as ordinary kids with friends, not outsiders wandering the side lines.

By the time I got to high school, I was thoroughly immersed in the sciences, like most boys in the 1960s.

In Chicago, I switched majors from mathematics to Chinese classical history, for reasons still unclear to me. Before the big switch, I took a class in what was then called Information Science and learned the rudiments of computer programming. Changing majors elevated me from an average student to graduating with honors and a fat fellowship to continue Chinese studies in Chicago.

While in graduate school, I began to read Rex Stout, because my PhD advisor told me I should read and emulate Stout to clarify of my writing style.

Writing this Chicago detective story

Fast forward, fifty years. I have read nearly everything Rex Stout ever wrote, some pieces many times. I deserted from a career as a professor of the Chinese classics and completed an apprenticeship in carpentry. Later, I enrolled in classes that lead to a degree in computer science and a 30 year career in software development, just when the digital revolution stood up and began to kick its legs.

An opportunity for early retirement popped up and I still wanted to write stories, more specifically, I wanted to write mysteries like Rex Stout’s. And I wanted to write a Chicago detective story. I was still an outsider, I had learned to cook so I could stay in the kitchen instead of mingling, learned to seize positions that gave me set roles that did not require much social interaction.

So I asked myself: why not try? I still doubted that an outsider with esoteric tastes and training could write a Chicago detective story that would appeal to much of anyone, but I was game, and when I start something, I fight to the bitter end, and that accounts for the last decade of struggle. Not that I’ve won, but I have accomplished something I am proud of.

Publishing

The Chicago detective story will have a new title, which I have not yet chosen, and will be offered for sale here on Vine Maple Farm. I’ve tried to find a traditional publisher, and I that might be possible, but becoming a publisher will be an interesting and instructive project for me and my twin grandsons, who voted for the first time last November. Christopher, the technical brother, is building the sales page. His more literary twin, Matt, is working on marketing. I plan to publish a free chapter or two here, and I intend to write more about why I think it is worth reading.

Outrageous: How To Sharpen a Kitchen Knife

Outrageous. I am outraged by well-intended advice. Twice.

outrageous-lenticular-sunrise
Outrageous lenticular clouds over Mount Baker at sunrise.

Yesterday I read a well meaning but outrageous bit of advice on blogging: have a theme and stick to it. None of this some nostalgia, some book discussion, some social commentary stuff. Choose a theme and stick to it. Anyone who knows me well, knows I wander all over the map. I never stick to routines for long. If you are as old as I am, you might remember a plastic surgeon back in the 1960’s who claimed all you had to do was repeat something 20 times and it became a habit. What rot! If I do the same thing 20 times in a row, it’s time for a change.

Good advice, this sticking to theme. I’m sure many readers want blogs to be predictable, but for me, no thanks. I’m not following it. Can’t follow it. I can’t even stick to bad habits. Hence, this post.

This weekend, I read an item in the New York Times, Improve Your Life With These Tiny Chores. Very sensible. Wash your sheets, throw out expired prescription opioids, unclog your sink. Yeah. Sure. Fine. I do these things whenever I am forced to. Who doesn’t?

One outrageous task sent me into low earth spitting orbit: sharpen your knives.

I know something about sharpening. I got my first jack knife from my grandpa when I six. And my first sharpening stone. The NYT article mentioned that a sharp knife is safer than a dull one. My left hand is covered with scars from dull knives that skipped off of the piece of wood I was whittling on and into my hand. These are old scars. I’ve learned to sharpen knives.

Dull knives are dangerous

The article starts with a modern nod to the counter-intuitive danger of dull knives. Good start, I said to myself, glancing at my scarred hand.

The rest was drivel

The rest of the item was drivel. It suggests sharpening knives once a year. Once a year? Piffle. Sharpen your knives the instant they loose their bite. It depends on the knife and how you use it.

How I do it

I sharpen my knives every time I use them, once or twice a day for my chef’s knife. Treat your knives with the care they deserve. Sharp edges are delicate and fragile. Don’t throw a good knife in the dishwasher to get rattled around, dented, and nicked.

After I use a knife, I clean it, and sharpen it on a steel, a dozen or more strokes on each side of the edge. Sharpening on a steel removes little or no material from the blade. Instead, it reshapes the metal into a sharp edge. A steel can’t get rid of a nick in an edge or remove a blunt spot, but it will return an undamaged edge to keen slicing form. The duller the edge, the less effective the steel.

You can’t reshape forever. Eventually, you have to grind the edge, which might amount to once a year, although once every few months is more realistic for knives you use daily.

You must be judicious in grinding, which removes metal from the edge. Grind too often and your knife disappears or morphs into an unusable shape. But if you don’t grind often enough, you have a dull and dangerous knife.

Trial and error

I won’t get into tools, angles, and techniques here. My best advice reflects my experience. Trial and error, grasshopper. Trial and error. There are many techniques and they all work, but not necessarily for you.

The blunter the angle of a blade, the less keen the edge, but the longer it stays sharp when cutting is tough. My perfect edge is not your perfect edge, but when an edge is not perfect, sharpen it. Use the steel often, a grinding stone only when needed. Power grinders are fast, but require expensive guides or great skill. Hard stainless steel blades are bears to sharpen, but stay sharp longer. Good carbon steel requires frequent maintenance, but with proper attention, it cuts like a dream. I have a cheap Chinese cleaver that looks like a mess, but cuts cleaner than its much more expensive German stainless brethren.

As an aside, most kitchens have too many knives. Learn to use and treat a few good knives well. Give an impoverished homicidal maniac a break and send the clutter to goodwill. Your life will be better. Ask Marie Kondo.